Book Review of The coaching habit: Say less, ask more & change the way you lead forever

Most management advice tells you what to say. Michael Bungay Stanier's The Coaching Habit is about what to ask instead.

The Coaching Habit is a guidebook for having better conversations with people you manage. It is most useful for managers and leaders looking to improve how they communicate with direct reports, deepen those relationships, and ultimately grow their report's autonomy and independence.

The core idea is that a manager should approach these conversations like a coach using regular, brief and focused check-ins. By having these coaching sessions regularly, the manager can develop this style into a habit, ultimately becoming a more effective leader who grows their direct reports.

Stanier organizes the book around seven questions designed to facilitate this kind of coaching conversation. I won't give them away, but they broadly follow three moves. First, they get the manager to slow down and ask questions that better frame the problem through open-ended dialogue about what the direct report really needs (vs. what they think they want). Second, they let managers say "no" to a request, reducing the impulse to jump in and fix things so the direct report can zero in on how the manager can actually help. Third, they make sure the direct report learns from the experience by summarizing it. All this can transform into a habit for the manager, allowing them to lead like a coach.

Manage more like a coach

I found all seven questions useful and could imagine conversations where they would help. At its heart the book reminds us that when we lead, we are still navigating the relationship between two adults. A good manager stays aware of the direct report's needs, even if the direct report hasn't identified them yet. I found that, in all the questions, a guiding principle was: keep the conversation focused on the problem at hand, not abstractions and generalizations.

The Coaching Habit delivers practical advice in a quick read. As readers we were spared the long-winded personal anecdotes that so many books in this genre lean on. My one wish is for more detail on the cited research. Stanier himself argues that repetition and application of an idea is what will help turn an idea into a practical habit. Having his readers think through the science would have reinforced his own thesis.